Life with Ella and Emerson

This is a blog dedicated to my beautiful daughters, Ella and Emerson. Emerson was diagnosed with a rare, genetic disorder called Williams Syndrome when she was 5 months old.

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Location: Wisconsin, United States

Monday, August 13, 2007

Fun Times


This past weekend was my brother's wedding. It was so much fun, but I am happy that it is over. Myself, Brian and Ella stood up in the wedding and it was incredibly stressful trying to figure out if my three year old was actually going to walk down the aisle. In the end, Ella took the job very seriously and did princess duty very well. I just had to get her a tiara and a few people told her that she looks just like Cinderella and she was set for the entire day to prance around like the little diva she is.We had a great time. Emerson joined us later on at the reception and was a big hit. Her headful of curls definitely gets a lot of attention.

On a totally different topic, this morning I had the ever dreaded annual exam. During it, my OB-GYN asked if we were going to have any more children. This is now a topic that Brian and I have started to give some thought to. Pre-Emerson we were going to have two children and that was that... Now things have changed slightly. Now it just makes sense for us, for Ella, and for Emerson to have another baby. I hold other babies and I still feel that pang. I also absolutely missed out on so much of those first months with Emerson (7 to be exact). She cried and didn't sleep. Needless to say, I didn't enjoy that time. Well, with that said, it is not happening for a bit. Emerson is still little and we have a house to build and to eventually move into. Our plate is full. However, it is in the back of my mind. Thinking and talking about it is the easy part. Having it actually happen without me going insane with worry is another. It took me 14 months to get pregnant with Ella. My cycle was about 45 days long and getting pregnant turned into my obsession. Finally, with the help of Clomid I got pregnant. With Emerson, I got pregnant when Brian and I weren't being particularly careful because we thought we had to try really hard and use Clomid to get pregnant, not the case. So you just never know what can happen. Also, the thought of being pregnant again is not particularly appealing to me. I had horrible nausea, fatigue, heart palpitations, and varicose veins in places that I didn't even know you had veins. The other part I worry about is all the prenatal testing options. In the past, we opted out of everything. Terminating a pregnancy is absolutley not an option for us, so what is the point. Now I reconsider prenatal testing because I would want that reassurance just to make it through the pregnancy without being a head case. Anyway, sorry for this rambling post.
Just had to get some thoughts down to see if anything made more sense to me. I don't think so. What I do know is that I love Ella and I love Emerson with all my heart. I love them equally and without hesitation. I know that I have enough love for as many children as we are supposed to have. Hopefully, things will become clearer in the future.

10 Comments:

Blogger Katie said...

Its a hard topic to think about sometimes,i remember dreaming of my three boys growing up and marrying having great jobs and full lives, my perspective has changed alot and although we knew somthing wasnt right with Jai from a young age i am SO glad we had Lachie when we did because had i known what i know now we probably woudnt have tried for another baby. I guess the chances of having a second baby with special needs is very low anyway and if your family doesnt feel 'complete' then having another baby is probably just the right thing to do.
xxoo

9:37 PM  
Blogger Heather said...

When the time is right, your heart will tell you. I still get baby fever. Not happening here though. ;) Heather

2:55 AM  
Blogger Kerry said...

You all look so beautiful in your wedding attire!

I always wanted three or more kids - first one, no problem, but it took us awhile and much help to get pregnant the second time, so I am not sure what will happen now. We decided not to get extra help for any more babies, so I guess time will tell. I think I do need my little girl so I can buy some pink clothes...

5:02 AM  
Blogger Laura said...

Beautiful pictures!

I always wanted 4 kiddos! But, after Michaela (before diagnosis) my husband decided he couldn't handle having more. I still feel like I missed out.

5:18 AM  
Blogger Nancy said...

The dress story was hilarious--but only because I feel your pain.

I feel awful not wanting another baby but I don't. I have no pangs or desire and marvel at the women who do. I think if your body is telling you to go for it, then you should go for it. In my case, I'm going with what feels natural, too. I guess no matter what we do, there is a little fear and guilt.

5:41 AM  
Blogger Noel said...

You will know if it is meant to be...it just seems to happen.
This coming from someone who wanted 3 and stopped and then was blessed with #4. We always wanted a lot of kids. After Abi was born Chris went and got "fixed" the next month...then we found out about WS. Sometimes I wish it were still an option. Abi would love a sibling younger than her! Besides once you have 4 what is one more really!?!
I love the wedding pictures. Ella being a Princess walking down the isle...funny..that would have got Abi to go too!
Noel

6:28 AM  
Blogger Teresa and Shawn said...

That final photos of your girls is priceless. You can tell Ella and Emerson love each other so much!

I hear you about the bridesmaids dress. I was in my sister's wedding one month after Simon was born - talk about a nightmare!! A gorgeous dress that was completely useless when it came to nursing. There was no bathroom in the church, so I could either sit in the pew and take my top off and nurse Simon or give him his first bottle. Needless to say, I opted for the bottle! Then, of course, I forgot to bring my pump with me, so Simon had his first (and only) bottle of formula.

As for having another child, everyone said it. You will know when you are ready or if you're not ever going to be. Personally, having Simon was an incredible thing for our family. It changed Clare almost overnight into a big girl. It forced me to stop babying her and let her be more independent. And now she is walking. And I do have to say that after a rough infancy with Clare, I always felt robbed of her babyhood. Having Simon and getting to enjoy the simplicity of having a baby is amazing. I treasure it. (Sorry for the long comment!)

4:59 PM  
Blogger Amy said...

Sounds like you guys are busy, with so many things. Life certainly doesn't stop with a special kiddo, nor do life's important decisions. You have a wonderful family!
XOXO
Amy

11:23 AM  
Blogger Lisa said...

Your girls are super cute? Emma was in a wedding last summer too, funny how they pull it together....you both looked great. My "Baby fever" is way over now I have grow up kids fever LOL kidding but no more babies for me :)

5:29 PM  
Anonymous Johanna said...

I'm sorry, but I have to say this. My first child is a precious , perfectly healthy baby girl...who just turned 22! She is in college and off on her way. My second child was a boy...a premie. 2bs, 3 oz.He colicked thru his first year. He is ADD. His sight is poor due to ventilators he was on.He had heart surgery at lb.12oz He was born on January 29th and left the hospital on April 11th. He is now 17 and an honor student...BUT we got "fixed" right after his birth. No way Jose was I going thru that again. Emmerson will require your help throughout the rest of her life. She will never be independent. Why don't you just concentrate on her? Why would you even consider adding to your stress? And what about poor Ella? Isn't she getting the short end of the stick here anyway? What if you had ANOTHER WS baby??? What if somethng ELSE went wrong? The odds are very high. Use your head and not your heart. Forget about the "baby pangs"...they pass, believe me.

1:05 AM  

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