Fun Times

This past weekend was my brother's wedding. It was so much fun, but I am happy that it is over. Myself, Brian and Ella stood up in the wedding and it was incredibly stressful trying to figure out if my three year old was actually going to walk down the aisle. In the end, Ella took the job very seriously and did princess duty very well. I just had to get her a tiara and a few people told her that she looks just like Cinderella and she was set for the entire day to prance around like the little diva she is.We had a great time. Emerson joined us later on at the reception and was a big hit. Her headful of curls definitely gets a lot of attention.

On a totally different topic, this morning I had the ever dreaded annual exam. During it, my OB-GYN asked if we were going to have any more children. This is now a topic that Brian and I have started to give some thought to. Pre-Emerson we were going to have two children and that was that... Now things have changed slightly. Now it just makes sense for us, for Ella, and for Emerson to have another baby. I hold other babies and I still feel that pang. I also absolutely missed out on so much of those first months with Emerson (7 to be exact). She cried and didn't sleep. Needless to say, I didn't enjoy that time. Well, with that said, it is not happening for a bit. Emerson is still little and we have a house to build and to eventually move into. Our plate is full. However, it is in the back of my mind. Thinking and talking about it is the easy part. Having it actually happen without me going insane with worry is another. It took me 14 months to get pregnant with Ella. My cycle was about 45 days long and getting pregnant turned into my obsession. Finally, with the help of Clomid I got pregnant. With Emerson, I got pregnant when Brian and I weren't being particularly careful because we thought we had to try really hard and use Clomid to get pregnant, not the case. So you just never know what can happen. Also, the thought of being pregnant again is not particularly appealing to me. I had horrible nausea, fatigue, heart palpitations, and varicose veins in places that I didn't even know you had veins. The other part I worry about is all the prenatal testing options. In the past, we opted out of everything. Terminating a pregnancy is absolutley not an option for us, so what is the point. Now I reconsider prenatal testing because I would want that reassurance just to make it through the pregnancy without being a head case. Anyway, sorry for this rambling post.
Just had to get some thoughts down to see if anything made more sense to me. I don't think so. What I do know is that I love Ella and I love Emerson with all my heart. I love them equally and without hesitation. I know that I have enough love for as many children as we are supposed to have. Hopefully, things will become clearer in the future.